I boxed up 293 tuits and mailed them to Washington yesterday, one for each Republican in Congress. The box was labeled "Trump's Agenda." The enclosed card read, "Hurry up and get a round tuit." I'm still waiting.
Back in 2016, when the NYTimes revealed that Hillary Clinton operated a private email server through Platte River Network in Denver, Colorado, many people responded with unsolicited advice about clothing accessories made from animal fur. I found their response nonsensical. Plus, the reference to animal fur was sure to offend PETA.
I got the same clothing advice upon mention of Obama's post-presidential retreat to an island once owned by Marlon Brando in the South Seas ... and again in reference to Bill Clinton's flights to a place called "Orgy Island" with Jeff Epstein. Fox hat, my friends responded, or something to that effect. It was a head-scratcher. Why the reference to clothing? It made no sense ...
... until now:
Definition: an attempt by some members of Congress to drive Trump out of office without admitting their complicity in the effort, an act undertaken mostly by those Republicans whose only means of getting re-elected is the pay-for-play system of modern politics, which Trump opposes, all the while masquerading as his friends and allies.
Democrats, of course, are more obvious in their efforts. So are their media acolytes.
Trump's response: Tweets and results.
Prediction: Trump, again and again.
Esses and Aahs
When confronted by certain words that appear to be misspelled, brush up on proper pronunciation before sounding them out phonetically. Nouns, particularly. Ignore, for instance, Obama's reference to the Marine Corps as the Marine Corpse, whether he meant it or not. Pronounce corps as core and coup as coo. Also, remember that Arkansas is pronounced Arkansah and Des Moines as Deh Moyne. Weird, I know. It's a French thing.
I know what you're thinking but, no, that's not what it means. You have a dirty mind.
Doppelganger is a German term that refers to a look-alike or otherwise ghostly visage of you. An artificial twin, basically.
Walt Disney World is creating an animatronic replica of Trump for display in its Hall of Presidents. You know, one of those automated figures that looks and talks like the original. The mechanical figure can be referred to as a doppelganger ... much as the word witch comes to mind when you think of Hillary on a broom. As I mentioned last Friday, words such as doppelganger make the user sound smart, which is why I use it.
So anyway, back to my point. When Disney creates Trump's doppelganger, what words should come out of his mouth? I'm thinking ... Why not a recitation of his tweets? Such classics as:
- I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.
- @ariannahuff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man - he made a good decision.
- Pervert alert. @RepWeiner is back on twitter. All girls under the age of 18, block him immediately.
- James Comey better hope there are no "tapes" of our conversations ...
Once you pass the Trump doppelganger, you will get to Obama's doppelganger, who on cue will lift his right arm and announce:
- You didn't build that.
- We need to redistribute your wealth.
- You can keep your health plan ... and your doctor.
- Your healthcare costs will go down by an average of $2,500.
- I've been to all 53 states.
- There's not a smidgen of evidence that the IRS did anything wrong.
- I've drawn a red line in Syria.
- Hillary didn't compromise our national security.
- I ... uh ... er ... uh ... I ... uh ... uh. Can someone please re-start my teleprompter?